Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
