if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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