AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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