Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
