I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
