I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
