I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
