I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
