dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
