I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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