Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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