Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
