So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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