It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
