Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
