One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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