I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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