this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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