nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just pee around me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
