those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
