1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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