A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
