He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
