I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
