i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
