Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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