So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
