Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
