what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
