you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
