I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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