so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
