R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
