I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
