what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
