Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
