just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
