A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
