bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
