i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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