she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
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