no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
