he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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