I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
