i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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