she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
