i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Drunk is a universal language darling
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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