remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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