We're like a lot better than the average bears
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
