Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
