if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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